A need that need not be

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
-- Doug Larson

Officially ultra-confused about everything.
I don't know what I want or what I need ...
Where I'll go .. What I'll do .. Who I'll be
All I know is that I've gotten everything I've ever wanted .. and now --


I don't know what I want ...

I was sitting there feeling my heart
racing my lungs beat for breath
Knowing fully well neither wins
a fight within my chest
Breath for beat I knew the beating
was faster than I was breathing
And it seemed to me the stars were closer
and more reachable than my ceiling
Everything that was untouchable seemed within a hands’ hold
But whenever I start jumping someone’s telling me I’m too old
The sky is where I wanna lie, it seems to love me most
And yet I know gravity will always jealously hold me close
If I could do the x division cross multiply
Perhaps I could break the equation that keeps me from the sky
Or maybe it’s a lover’s bond that’s hard to break
Like a Montague / Capulet never-ending heart-ache
But then there’s terrifying rationale lying within
That tells me that the end is justified in sin
If I decide that laying here or pacing tirelessly
all night writing ‘til fatigued
Is a need that need not be and when I see
a number that says to me there’s less than three
Hours before daybreak I know I must sleep so that I may wake
BUT
What if I decided sleep was best
and decided to evermore rest
Until the day that I awoke
to see beneath me a bed of smoke
And softened cloud to ease my sleep
and forevermore be deep
In the arms of my lover, the sky
Why not lay in his arms, why not die?