"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
I've often failed to see the value of some character traits ... Usually ones I posess. I'd love to hear someone tell me why they are good, because for the life of me, I think they are some of the least valuable and most annoying things about myself. For instance, jealousy. What is the value of jealousy? I'm not particularly religious, but that's a sin if I ever thought of one. Not jealous in the hands of simplicit, day-to-day life, "I wish I had this, because so-and-so's got that". No no no. That erksome "I'm-going-out-with-this-boy-and-I-love-him-so-don't-even-fucking-think-you-have-a-shot" type of jealousy. Not to worry, it's dissipated quite a bit in the last year or so. But unfortunately (I think) it only seems to dissipate at the same value that my belief in love dissipates. If I can completely erradicate my issues of jealousy, will I have also gotten rid of my ability to love in the manner of true consummate love?
No comments:
Post a Comment