invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Anyone who has heard this poem before is probably familiar with it through the recent film Invictus with Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman, directed by Clint Eastwood. Those who haven't seen the film, it is a story involving Nelson Mandela and 1995 Springbok rugby captain Francois Pienaar (Nelson preaches this poem to him as inspiration; South Africa hosts the World Cup in '95, Mandela has hopes of the country's underdog team winning and bringing a post-Apartheid nation together.)
Whether you did or didn't know these things about the film, the more interesting story behind this poem comes from the poet's life. William Henley, an Englishman, got tuberculosis of the bone at a young age, and by the time he was 25, had to have his leg amputated just below the knee in order to save his life. He wrote this poem in 1875 from a hospital bed; fortunately Henley did make it to the age of 53 and after his death this poem has motivated many, including Nelson Mandela, and the prisoners of Robben Island (he would recite the poem to them.) Its creed of self-mastery is said to have kept him going all those years in prison.

He who controls others may be powerful
but he who has mastered himself is mightier still
 -Lao Tzu-

Enjoyed an early morning walk in my own matrix
cause i was the lady in red, walking down the streets

it's neat to see that short limbo of the city in between
morning and night - broken pots, dirt spray everywhere

empties, leftover bottles and cans and stomach remains
the street uncleaned and raw from a hard night out

it could be special if it wasn't every morning.
And the world doesn't like your music

(Or I could have just told you your gas cap's undone)
at 6:15 am.

this could be heaven or this could be hell

All around me
Surrounding me
communitas communitas
transitions all linearly occuring 
this moment, this summer
this planet, this place 
and yet. All different moments.
Your highschool grad
your retirement
your promotion
your baby
my summer .
is filled with nothing
and everything -
pure joy in vitamin D
as I listen to the same songs
over and over alone
and smile as nothing happens.
On a dark desert highway
cool wind in my hair
warm smell of colitas
rising up through the air
you know if you drive
fast enough you get a
cathartic release?

plan your obsolescence
so you're not so surprised
when you get there
mirrors on the ceiling
pink champagne on ice
free yourself from your mind
it controls your life.

The term 'liminal' refers to a ritual that marks passage from one phase of life to the next: a baptism, a graduation, a honeymoon. In contrast, a typical 'liminoid' event such as a rock concert, a rave or a polyamorous consensual group sex party occurs outside of the mainstream, but a liminoid event marks no such life transition. The defining characteristic of the liminoid space is that all participants act as equals. Social or caste rankings are discarded, and all present enjoy an egalitarian mutual affection for one another. Turner's name for this spontaneous solidarity and love was the Latin word communitas.
Dr. Christopher Bing, Ph.D., An Oral Biography of Buster Casey by Chuck Palahniuk

oh, and thanks for the communitas, my liminal friends.

tofino

You and me and she and he
well, them and us - or me
and you three; we
went on a trip together
chasing gorgeous sunlit
weather, driving, diving
psychadelic riding our way
on the Friend Ship in a sea
of bliss and twining fingers
and echoing lips, bodies
side by side, hide by hide
locks of hair blocking the
soul inside one another as we
connected sister and brother
all gazing as one at moving
sands and crashing waves
upon the land and foreign
men in foreign hats point
to places not on maps but
we know more than photos
show as we read stories writ
in air and twinkling stars
shared dreams down upon
the earth to tell us
no you are not limited
to dirt or ocean, crust or core
there will always be more
in store and love awaiting
in strangers' hearts, to be
unleashed in stranger parts
of unknown land you've yet
to explore - my dear, fear not,
there's always more.

when you think you're bored, you are not daring, you are not trying, you are not afraid enough you need to close your eyes and leap

Boredom is the feeling that everything is
a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.
~Thomas Szasz

i think im gonna have to take off.

Ennui has made more gamblers than avarice,
more drunkards than thirst, and perhaps as
many suicides as despair.  ~C.C. Colton

now and then i think bout you

every now and then a little bitterness seeps in
and even though i know i'm the one who's faulted
for the sin, who's dealin with a cut til it heals over again
regrets are for cowards; don't forget where you've been

Do I sound mad?
Well I guess I'm a little pissed
Every action has a point
Five points make a fist
You close em
You swing em
It hurt when it hits
And the truth can be a bitch
But if the boot fits
I got an idea
You should get a tattoo that says warning
That's all, just a warning
So the potential victim
Can take a left and save breath
And avoid you
Sober and upset in the morning
I wanna scream Fuck you Lucy
But the problem is i love you Lucy
So instead
I'm gonna finish my drink,and have another
While I think about how you used to be my lover
(Fuck you)

remember what you said to me?
remember what i replied?
you should get a tattoo babe
cause you know what?
You lied.

so many thoughts going through my mind. mostly sensory images --

falling white sweet-scented cherry blossoms

wind whipping my hair around my face and rushing against my skin so fast it feels like i can feel nothing and everything simultaneously.

the smell of clothes that have dried stiff in the sun on clotheslines

a cat on my belly in the night absorbing what heat i have left to give, until there is none remaining and he gives it back.

staring at a vividly blue sky so long that colours desaturate in my eyes and i feel i've traveled back in time 40 years.

hearing songs that i know the words to so well that i begin to hear the real meaning when i turn their story into mine. nostalgia in a note.

making a 9 year old boy blush. hearing his dad high-five him after i walk away

watching shadows and light rush by in dappled sunlight on a country road.

knowing there's no where else, no one else better to be in a moment that's now.

P.S. happy 63rd anniversary Grandma & Grandpa. I hope to live at least as long as you've been married.
hugs and kisses xox

i read this in my book after writing my post, but i figured, what better way to start than with Shot Dunyun ...

Shot Dunyun: Me, My focus is providing the music for a perfect night [...]
No bullshit, but I've watched people stop in the middle of a funeral, the dead body smiling there in the casket, the old ladies sobbing, and people stop to change the music. Mozart instead of Schumann. Music is crucial [...] If your car skids into oncoming traffic, and you die listening to The Archies sing 'Sugar Sugar,' it's your own damn laziness. [...]  No bullshit, but I never leave the house without a mix for anything: Falling in love. Witnessing a death. Disappointment. Impatience. Traffic. I carry a mix for any human condition. Anything really good or bad happens to me, and my way to not overreact --like, to distance my emotions-- is to locate the exact perfect sound track for that moment. Even the night Rant died, my automatic first thought was: Philip Glass's Violin Concerto II, or Ravel's Piano Concerto in G Major ... ?
- Shot Dunyun, 'An Oral Biography of Buster Casey' by Chuck Palahniuk

Listen.

Hear that?

There's music playing -

I plug into that. That's my food. That's my drug. That's my love.

Tiredness ... Emptiness ...

Plug into music, it will fill you, fill the emptiness, steal away the lethargy

Millions upon millions of people make it, just for you. Just for them.

They drain away their happiness, their sadness, recording into oblivion so that it's there forever, for you to tap into.

Think you're sad? Someone else has been sadder.

Think you're happy? Someone else has been happier.

Does it matter? Not really. Of course. everything matters.

(even hypocrisy matters)

listen to some music today, trust me. it only makes everything better

sexdrugslovepartiesworkfamilytravels music
makes it all better