nada surf

i feel far away from you
so what else is new
the moon is closer to the sun
than i am to anyone

i wanna tell you about a time
a time that soars high above all others in my mind
when we walked on a lone crust of the
earth wrapped in ice and felt alone
on the top of the world
you gave me a flashlight and ran and i
was slowly mesmerized by time and sky
and being and light and when i pointed my beam
into the endless night and played
flashlight tag with the stars
i realized who is what we are
Grounded by thought and human ineptness
of inability to leap off the face of the
earth i turned my eyes from skyward to
dirt and discovered specks locked in the ice
that in my imagination-filled night i could
imagine to be galaxies lost in ice and
my beam of light would be to them a
shining star's beacon ... or maybe i was
looking through a special portal through
crust and core, an imaginary door to the
southern hemisphere's stars so from here we
could see where they are ...
and i tripped through ideas
lost in thought
Amazing what the mind can create
or in the case of my belief, unlock and see
what really Is and Bes.

Procrastinator

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
--Charles Schultz

I have a letter sitting on my desk that I wrote in October ... 3 months later, I still can't motivate myself to send it. All sorts of problems have arisen since I wrote it -- for instance, I can't remember quite what it says. From what I do remember however, it wasn't particularly sensical ... It is also written to someone whom I have never written a letter to -- perhaps sending it without reo-opening it to reevaluate would be a mistake? What if it is completely out of context? Or what if it isn't, and I destroy a perfectly good handmade handtyped envelope?
The reason it never got sent is because at the time I was too lazy to dig out the address ... and lo and behold it lies on my desk 3 months later .. stamped and everything . Well that's not true, that's another problem . How many stamps are necessary for the United States? It's international, but not on another continent. In fact, I can drive there in a few hours -- why should I stick another stamp on there? But what if there isn't enough postage, and a perfectly good letter is wasted?
Best reason of all ... I believe it also contains birthday wishes. I should just probably wait to send it next year.

Love Analysis

There are two things that human beings will wonder about forever:
Love and the platypus.
Once we figure out love, then we can all be obsessed with the platypus.
The difference is that the platypus hasn't produced as much beauty and pain.
It has a lot of catching up to do.

I have this theory ...

And it makes sense to write it down somewhere so I don't forget it.

First of all, the institution of marriage has been around a long time, so long, that we can safely assume that its existance predates reliably recorded history. With this fact, I assume humans were living to the ripe old age of 30 by the time they kicked the bucket.

Nowadays? Most people are thinking about getting MARRIED by the time they are 30. Oh how far we've come! What I decline is the existance of the institution. What's the point? Approval? Authentication of love? Security? Of course, lots of these reasons fit. I personally think marriage would be lovely before having children .. And I do believe I want children one day. My point however, is that love can be experienced regardless of marriage, and marriage isn't needed to confirm love.

Moving on.

People change. Yes? Everyone agrees? Do we change in between the ages of 20 and 30? 20 and 40? 30 and 60? PERHAAAAPS ... you may say. Damn straight!
Of course we do!

I change ... You change ... Let's get straight to the point.

Is it really feasible to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, who will change with every moment that you change? Maybe ... Sure .

I digress to my point of this post.

I believe there are about 4 types of relationships.

We have :

1. The First Love

The first love is part of completion of growth; experiencing love for the first time, experiencing heart-ache for the first time, it is all about experiencing new things and new emotions, and dealing with hormones in the wake of adolescence. Hopefully you aren't denied your first love experience before you make it into your twenties, let alone thirties ... There's a lot more to experience after First Love.

* Note -- I suppose for those who are lucky enough to marry their first loves and never experience that heart-ache 'til death-do-us-part, perhaps they have succeeded. Maybe this was the goal. Maybe they have found someone who changes with them in every flux and flow of the river of life ... I will not completely understand this, for this is not how my analysis leads, and this is not the path of growth and understanding and balance of an individual. This is a shared life that is never quite your own again.

*************************************************************

2. The Romance / The Lover(s)

This relationship is very carpe diem and more about experiencing the world to the fullest. Concerns of marriage and family are left aside to be thought on later as this couple tests the limits within themselves and takes many adventures together. This may stage in multiple relationships or multiple partners. This relationship is much more lustful than loving and has much basis on humans natural desire for comfort, company and satisfaction.

* Note -- type 1 can turn into type 2 and vice versa. Loves may become Lovers and Lovers may become Loves. When type 1 turns into type 2 though, love is lost and lust takes its place, however a bridge of trust has been broken and the relationship may never backtrack to the way it once was.

*************************************************************

3. The Marriage / Family

This one is more obvious. One has found the partner they feel comfortable and satisfied with to bring up a family. Most of the time, it is a Love of some sort authentified by the institution of marriage; usually is followed with the passing on of genes to offspring and solidarity and security is provided with careers of some sort.

*************************************************************

4. Retirement

Whether things do or don't work out, the couple that exists after a family has grown up is faced with change once more. They function in a different dynamic than the previous 3 couples; by this point, retirement is approached and these lives are lived more harmoniously and together -- the sex life begins to reach retirement and communication and compatibility becomes more and more important as these couples must bond in sometimes different ways than they may have previously.

** FINAL NOTE -- Type 3 and 4 are quite short, concise and contain no side-notes because I have not reached these milestones and these are my briefly analyzed summaries based on other peoples' experiences and serve to reflect what I expect.

Ars longa vita brevis

Death is like sunset, which is only an appearance.
For what is sunset here is sunrise beyond...

This is a picture i did not take, of a newly widowed artist stroking the camel toes between her fingers as she casually explains her loss of a loved one to hungry rocks 50 feet below a climbing cliff and she explains her solitude from a small sage brush that grows where he died in the image on the wall.

alcohol

intoxicated, adj.:
When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.

fantastic night of drinking last night.

little bit of everything, starting with fireball shots and ending with fireball shots, my confusion on waking up was pretty funny.

i rolled over and freaked for a sec -- someone was in my bed. Luckily it was just my friend Tanya and I proceeded to hazily stagger towards the kitchen. Still quite plastered at 11, I grabbed a random container, chugged some water .. went back to bed. too drunk to be awake ..

Unfortunately still felt same level of drunkness at 2pm so proceeded to create some wonderful french toast breakfast, or feel tanya's wrath.

Long story short, on the way home lost phone, keys, bus pass, student card, driver's license, camera etc ..

uncontactable, unreachable, and completely at ease.

cheers

A need that need not be

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
-- Doug Larson

Officially ultra-confused about everything.
I don't know what I want or what I need ...
Where I'll go .. What I'll do .. Who I'll be
All I know is that I've gotten everything I've ever wanted .. and now --


I don't know what I want ...

I was sitting there feeling my heart
racing my lungs beat for breath
Knowing fully well neither wins
a fight within my chest
Breath for beat I knew the beating
was faster than I was breathing
And it seemed to me the stars were closer
and more reachable than my ceiling
Everything that was untouchable seemed within a hands’ hold
But whenever I start jumping someone’s telling me I’m too old
The sky is where I wanna lie, it seems to love me most
And yet I know gravity will always jealously hold me close
If I could do the x division cross multiply
Perhaps I could break the equation that keeps me from the sky
Or maybe it’s a lover’s bond that’s hard to break
Like a Montague / Capulet never-ending heart-ache
But then there’s terrifying rationale lying within
That tells me that the end is justified in sin
If I decide that laying here or pacing tirelessly
all night writing ‘til fatigued
Is a need that need not be and when I see
a number that says to me there’s less than three
Hours before daybreak I know I must sleep so that I may wake
BUT
What if I decided sleep was best
and decided to evermore rest
Until the day that I awoke
to see beneath me a bed of smoke
And softened cloud to ease my sleep
and forevermore be deep
In the arms of my lover, the sky
Why not lay in his arms, why not die?

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you
if you could know how seldom they do.
-- Olin Miller

audio version for Sunday, January 10th, 2010

Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur

Little Fly,
Thy summer's play If thought is life
My thoughtless hand And strength & breath,
Has brush'd away. And the want
Of thought is death,
Am not I
A fly like thee? Then am I
Or art not thou A happy fly
A man like me? If I live
Or if I die.

For I dance
And drink & sing,
Till some blind hand
Shall brush my wing.
-- William Blake, "The Fly"

i live in a world where it has become normal to demand instant gratification
not only demand it, but expect it. Expect results.
NOW

jessa - 'why must there be an answer?'

dray - 'why must there be a question?'